Not Devalued-But Christs

I am awake and cannot sleep, I had thoughts of the previous day running around in my head, frustrated that I felt like I was failing (before I'd hardly begun), my body seemed to betray me, and I struggled with what I was putting in my mouth. But as I tossed and turned in the wee hours of this morning, and I sought the Father for the truth behind what I had done, I was reminded of the words that spoken to me that morning, that set in motion the rest of the day. They were the words of my husband after I perhaps foolishly asked him to buy me a treadmill for Christmas, were "Go get a job." At the time words failed me, and I had that stupid grin on my face that says "Are you kidding" or may imply that I am laughing at that inconsiderate comment, while all the time, I am screaming, "Are you kidding? Do I mean so little to you? What I do around the house not worth my health." I had only wanted the thing so that I could continue on my exercise routine, without having to try to manoever myself through the snow and ice that our winters create.

And as I rack my brain to try to figure out the meaning behind the words, as I lay there knowing how much pain I had been in all day yesterday, it hit me. His words, had inflicted wounds not just to my soul but to my flesh as well. My desire to lose weight to feel good about myself was not being supported my the ones I loved, and my weight was a battle that I was not going to win without prayer and determination. How many times had those words played through my mind yesterday, and each time I felt more pain, to the point I could hardly walk.

This was a lesson to me that we as a people need to watch our words, for does not the Bible say, that life and death are in the power of the tongue. Well, I realised today, just what that power had over me and I now know that I am not going to win this battle unless I am on my knees looking to God, for his support, his leading and guidance.

What struck me the most by my husbands words was that what I did in our home were valued and the fact that I wanted to do something for myself was even less so. I began to remind myself of the many parts I play throughout the day, as a wife, homemaker, mother, teacher and foster mother to two little preschoolers with difficulties of their own, my dealings with social workers, doctors, specialists, support workers and daycare providers etc., was less valued than his job, and that what I did on a daily basis was not important, yet he rarely comes home to have to wait long for a meal. I would stop what I am doing to make sure that everyone is fed, and cared for. His words, crushed and wounded me in such a way that quite frankly made me feel sick and I wonder how many times I have allowed myself to be wounded in this way.

As I look at myself I see the years that I have spent trying to be the good wife and mother, to be the supportive and loving homemaker and educator, and I laugh as I see where it has gotten me. A 267.8lb woman, who takes care of all those around her but hardly cares for herself.

What I do may not be valued in our modern day society, it may not be valued within the confindes of the christian church or even my marriage, as we seek what the world seeks, but I cannot believe that God's view and plan for my life is to add more and more stress on ones life in only accquiring things, than to think how blessed I am to be able to care for my family, to be there for them and support them when they need it. I see now that what I do holds very little value for many, but I find comfort in the knowledge that I am God's child, and he does not devalue what I do nor who I have become, but I will trust Him to get me through this time, to heal, to be restored and to become the woman after His own heart as I keep my eyes on Him and glorify Him.

Do you feel that what you have been doing as a wife, mother, sister, daughter etc. has been devalued? Remember your value is not in what people think or what they do, but in who you are in Christ. Don't feed the monster that is trying to ruin you. Don't feed the monster that is telling you "See, what's the point of caring? or what's the point of doing this or that?" Remember your calling, and remember that you are not just in this journey to help and encourage your family and those about you, you are to allow the Lord to teach you when and what to eat. How to eat, and why you are eating. It was a big surprise to me to learn how another persons unkind or thoughtless words (intentioned or not) had on me.

So with the sword in hand (which is the word of God) I am reminded that 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'Philippians 4:13 And I am going to give him all my hurts and the pain that I feel and trust Him to help me to overcome my weight. I am crucified with Christ...He lives in me, and He will make me strong.

I encourage you today, to be Stong in the Lord and in the power of His might and you will overcome today. Remember you are not devalued.

Let us pray:

Father God in Heaven, hear my cry today, not just for myself but for all those who are struggling to win the battles that they are facing today, whether it's health, emotional, physical or eating problems, whatever, I pray that I would realise that I can be an overcomer in Christ, who gives me strength.

Father, it's to you I look to today, to help me to put the right amounts of food and types of foods in my mouth, not to feed my hurts, or my emontional needs, but that every bite be as an act of worship, not to food, but to the God who made the food and the one who knows just how much I need to eat throughout the day. Heal and bind up my wounds, O Lord, and give me the victory over my weight and help me to become healthy in both body, soul and mind. And forgive those who have hurt me, whether through their words or deeds as I forgive them. I thank you, in Jesus name. Amen